My Philosophy of Faith-Fear

In my mind I’m jumping from the mis-yoking argument of the Bible (thou shalt not yoke with someone who does not believe as you do) to the versatility of those in open-minded spiritual angles or who isolate the teachings that resonate with their healthy chakras and, you know, follow Christ and/or Buddha and/or Krishna…. maybe Mohammed (if this angle of mine could ever spit out in full what he actually said- do Muslims capitalize He when referring to Mohammed?). Anywho, do these open-minded folks mess up the team jersey for those that are at war with each other? I mean everyone hates friendly fire.

The interesting thing is it all relates somehow in my head to factory-farming and how little most of us know about what stock animals feel or perceive. While some believe that most animals lack the (pineal gland, I think) part of the brain  that even touches on the contemplation of pain, let alone suffering, my argument is that even if that’s so, what about the perceptions of slaughterhouse and animal-caretaking workers? The science exempts all but select cows & pigs and most domesticated pets from the presence (and of course- well, we hope- humans) from the existence of this perception producing gland in the brain. As far as I know the ones that are believed to perceive pain as even some sort of duality with comfort (the slaughterers and caretakers) are afforded many measures to prevent potential harm of stock animals in farm-factory situations, but of course many of us have the seen the footage of many of the atrocities of the meat industry. I tend to not trust fully the non-organic, non-pasture-raised/grass-fed, non free-range, non-humane treatment of animals, partly as a hygienic issue, as well as the potential karmic issue. But I have not visited any factory farms, and I highly encourage those who do go with the intent of observing and not projecting the horrible things they may have heard happen there, just in case your faith-fear can move that mountain wrong-ways.

So, yeah, faith-fear and the war on other humans (the poor & water/air/crop poisoning) and pesticides and my Lord, did they please get rid of mustard gas? Do bees and fungus and plant-munching insects perceive and feel threatened by pain or genocide, or do they just instinctively adapt? While the Bible once said we are to CARE for the Earth, someone changed the actual translation to “dominion over” and then, you know, Monsanto…

And while stereotypical liberals perceive this giant threat from people who believe that prayer cures everything (including Climate Change) rendering their actual action steps actionless, stereotypical conservatives may perceive a giant threat from belief-systems (faith-fear) that are potentially creating chaos where there otherwise would be none. To people who believe we can move mountains with our faith, what do we look like if we believe that damage is done by our precious fossil-fuels, for instance. Not to be rude to those who laugh at such a conjecture, but people are REALLY BELIEVING THAT WITH ALL THEIR HEART.

So, when I try to consider only the perceivers, of course I want them to find a common ground, because a certain amount of prayer coupled with action has always worked for me. Don’t get me wrong miracle see-ers, I know when God or Source obviously did a thing I can’t; but it took my doing the next right thing and gratitude to see it, Angry God or Source deniers, for such things to manifest.

I really believe in the meme, “heal yourself, heal the world.” For anyone that thinks abortion is even remotely not God-led in the case of emergency, or that being gay is causing bad weather, I just want to say, when one is in sync with Source/God and partakes of these things, NO God is not against population control. I believe this because I believe God is still speaking and history books CAN be altered for someone’s PTSD-related agenda. And YES, I DO mean that I think I know right from wrong, under the category of discernment. I DO believe this falls under the category of God/Source SPEAKS to ME.

To women and couples accidentally pregnant- I hope you understand that your baby born of rape, because YOU believe that life was meant to be lived- THAT LIFE WAS MEANT TO BE LIVED, YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. BUT!! YOU, who chose not to have that baby because you were not ready- financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually- YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE, TOO, THAT WAS GOD’S WILL! I have a  really hard time believing that there are missing or demonically born children running around Earth. Sure, mistaken people, ignorant people, lonely parents, but this can change in a minute with simple steps. And ultimately LIFE HAPPENS, GOD MAKES THE MOST OF IT. Join Him/Her/It in joyously receiving the wonders of life. While you’re out aiming your faith or fear at the perceptions of others, including animals and fetuses, remember that old-timey Universal law of DO NO HARM.

The Economy Caught My Attention

Venezuela’s oil company is being hammered with dirty sanctions that prevent it from collecting required funds to stay afloat from Citgo. It makes me wonder who’s pulling the strings. That guy that the world powers declare president of the country wasn’t even voted into office by Venezuelans. I’m concerned about the welfare of the citizens in such a desired-resource baring country.

It makes me ever more interested in alternative fuel and power for this car/truck/plane reliant world. Tesla, what was the secret cheap resource you’d discovered? What other inventors were drowned out by conspiracy and greed-mongering tactics?

The only good news is that computers and smart-phones prevent us from being as travel-happy as we might be. Don’t get me wrong. My family loves to see the world and is scattered up and down the East Coast, and still does its best to visit each other. I have many friends who travel the world and for good causes. I don’t want to be excluded from this fray. But I am glad that people are driven to reach for alternative methods of communicating and traveling.

Truth be told, I dream of becoming a minimalist. I dare not dream of my ultimate desire to be a zero-waste citizen of planet Earth. This is because in the wrong head space, I am a nasty consumption-based creature, using garbage producing products, and driving maybe twice a day to retrieve said items.

The minimalist in me wants to hit the grocery store once a week with a clear plan of cooking and eating at home, even knocking out “special occasions” with some special recipe in house. I want to walk, bus, or car-pool to events of my choosing and find amazing things to do that require little or no money or garbage producing consumption.

The ultimate goal of course, is to purchase land far from pesticides and fracked-up water sources, produce my own food, use solar and wind power, invent a Tesla airplane to visit my beautiful loving family and friends.

Maybe I could learn to sail and travel the world. I think, sometimes, about my age and current physical limitations and panic a little even about just the cooking at home everyday thing. THIS STOPS HERE> I am determined to use my time left on this planet in an able body to be part of the solution and not the problem. Could be 40 more years, who knows, maybe 60.

Rooted Down Reaching Up

A little bit about institutionalization: it takes time to adjust from the lack of confinement and abusive surroundings. PTSD is real, and difficult to find the other side of, but I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t have to haunt or define you.

Even if all you can afford is one plant, or a walk in a park with a few trees, plants are healing because they are rooted down and reach toward the light.

I use this analogy often, even when I’m not taking my own advice about getting close to Earthbound things. It doesn’t seem likely that someone whose mind once tried to destroy her could wake up every morning thanking the Universe for another day. 

I simply ask to be a part of the greater good and the rest falls in place. 

I was sure that I was going to be schizophrenic for the rest of my life. But somehow I found a faith that worked miracles. 

Some thoughts are just emotions I suppressed to the point of fear- the trick is to process instead of ignore. Letting your energy flow is the best thing you can do for yourself- rooted down, reaching up.

Mission Quite Possible

Today I will conquer the terrain of fear. Today  I will push through the drudgery of lost opportunities and hopeless states of mind and look forward to the possibilities. I have that ability, now, that I am no longer asleep.

The sun is shining. The recycling is on its way to the recycling center, the kitchen is clean, the living room is cleared and ready for a yoga sesh. The workload is increasing, the future is looking bright and lovely.

Today I will buy a lot of vegetables because I like vitamins. I will also look at my Nutritional Healing Book because it always motivates me to stay informed. I suppose the night needs some dancing and singing and guitar and keys to be complete.

Here’s a sneak peak of Bargain Hunter in my book, Karmic Soup

Bargain Hunter


There’s no toss up

I am piecing together the past

The race to integrity coagulating my senses

Another teacher is speaking of love within

Another number of sparks lighting up the human grid

I am tempting the night with offers of praise

And prayers for the whole human race

Wondering if

Another oppressor is planning

Another impossible-to-ignore destruction of human dignity

The rhythm of the repetition batters my mind

I look up from my computer as I am beamed through time

Just another medium day

Of medium pain

And medium rain


I am piecing together the past

Seeking the moment when all was lost

I tempt the night with offering of prayer

I dread the velocity of others’ torment passing

Our wildest dreams of a better love a-massing

How much do the tormented notice the rain?


The news

I am collecting

Gathering information on what formation my Nation is taking

A dirty politician digs up bones of another

Another baby is born who sets her eyes on the love of a father whose dying wish will be her happiness

I look up at the clock as it refuses to chime

Just another digital grail

That will never fail

Until magnetic hail


There’s no toss up

I am piecing together the past

Racing and coagulating, seeking the moment

I am tempting the night with offers of praise

With prayers for my village to honor another

With prayers for impossible-to-ignore mercy

With prayers for love loving love

I try to remember

There is a light in us all


Reeking of truth and humanity

What is the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything?

I’m so excited to be 42 I can’t sleep. It took a while to get here, but I’m here, and I feel like I have direction today. I have Karmic Soup and now you can buy it by clicking on Karmic Soup. Get it while it’s still $10.50! Once I’m famous, i might charge the full price. Well, maybe. It is my first piece. And while I’m attached to money through my rising sign, I’m also an Aquarius, tying me to just about nothing.

Today will be a good day. Why? Because I don’t have to attach myself to anything I don’t like. If it feels like I’m having a bad day, I’m just going to hit the reset button and move on. Process and move on. Anything I need today is within reach. While I am able to buy things I need, that’s not it. This is it: I have love for you, even if you don’t love me; I have space from you if I need it; I have food and clothes and shelter from cold and hot days.

While I’d like to be able to withstand those temperatures, just for the sake of saving gas and electricity, I imagine I’ll have solar panels someday. I imagine heating and cooling will have taken on another face, another shape entirely. At least that’s what I hope.

Back to this love thing. I know I’m loved. But I know I had to give it to get it. I know I had to learn to trust all over again after years of trusting the wrong people. I know I had to admit my faults to myself to get them out of the way so I could be a better person. Life is a challenge, and I took it on.

So these are some reasons I’m glad I’m 42 in 2019. Along with those mentioned, I’m grateful for the internet, the civil rights movement, the environmental movement, the animal rights movement, happy dispositions, acceptance of mental illness, the gay rights movement…. You see I know that people aren’t all happy and hopeful and celebrating life, but some of us are! Some of us are looking forward to better days, even though right now it seems like the apocalypse. It’s seemed like the apocalypse before, but there are aliens and space travel; alternative medicine and awareness of the benefits of carrots and kale, yoga and music.

Do I want the prices of life saving drugs to come down? YES! Do I want to believe the system isn’t rigged? YES! Do I want climate change to be recognized as a chance to change our ways, even if just to be cautious? YES!

While I wait for the people in charge to catch up, I’m going to enjoy my birthday. After all, I am not the only one who knows the meaning of life, the universe and everything.